I like wordpress. People don’t read my wordpress, save for a few. I am at home in Maryland today. A place I haven’t been all too often lately. Since returning from Missouri, I have been to Pittsburgh twice, and NY once. Next weekend I will be in Pittsburgh again.
Why Pittsburgh, you may ask? I have friends there. People to make the sad and lonely go away. Having BOTH my SOs away is taking a toll on my spirit. As is my ever draining relationship with Ken. Some days are okay. Others, I believe to be an end. I love him. I love him enough that he often crushes the air from my lungs and makes me sob uncontrollably. Deep down, I know I am not what he wants. I patiently wait for the end. I could make it end, but I am not ready. I think making it end is something he needs to do. For both him and me. This makes me unhappy.
I believe Fox will be my enternal love. Never fading, never waivering. Just love. She knows me. Accepts me. Loves me. She is there when I need to mope, there when I am excited, there when I am drunk, always there. Sadly, always there and never here. Perhaps if we are ever in the same place, at the same time, for long enough, we can commence with our handfasting. I was hesitant before, because the idea was offputting to Ken. His opinion matters less, as his devotion fades. Hers remains loyal.
Later, perhaps, I will post about living on my own for the first time. For now, I think some Buffy.
Or there abouts. I am in Saint Louis. Visiting that boys family. It is….okay. They are nice. I like them. They seem to like me. Even though I am mean.
I don’t think I really realize how much I threaten violence/death. These people are not used to violence. I am not sure if maybe the house I grew up in was violent, or what, but *shrug* I threaten death and beatings playfully often. And occasionally as a way to vent anger or displeasure. Fox can attest to this. I used to threaten to throw Ken’s ex-girlfriend off a balcony ALL THE TIME. I’d never actually do it. However, when I had her cornered on a balcony once, I think she thought I might do it.
Missouri is nice. I will have pictures when I come back. Ken is no longer a rockstar. I have pictures of him and his brother, both being rock stars, and then not being rock stars. I went to the zoo. I like penguins. I want a penguin. But I am afraid I would have to keep the air conditioning too high. I dislike the cold. Also, I got an awesome awesome picture of the Arch.
My camera was the best purchase I’ve ever made. I take so many pictures of so many things. I like taking pictures. Hopefully they don’t get too lost anywhere.
I go home on Tuesday, while Ken goes on to Chicago. But that is another post for another day. For now, I’m gonna go harass the dog, and poke the Ken.
<3 Love you.
It seems, while I was slumbering peacefully, my Lovie did some remodelling. I like it.
Anyway, I woke up curious this morning. Why is it that the people I love move away so often? First Lovie to Hawaii (which is like the other side of the world) and now Ken, to Chicago (which is cold and windy….yuck). I am sad about these events, but I understand why they had to happen. Sadly, there are things in the world that are bigger and more important than me (don’t ask me to confirm this when I am drunk).
I am still looking for a job. I had a neat interview yesterday, and they asked for a second interview when I get back from Missouri.
Speaking of Missouri. I am pretty sure I am weirded out by the idea of staying with Ken’s parents/brother for a whole week. I find this odd, because I really liked them over christmas (I even got drunk off wine with his mom). We’ve stayed with his grandparents a few times during trips to NY. But, for some reason staying with his family seems weird. Maybe I’m just being weird.
In other boneheaded news, I lost my nose ring yesterday. I took it out for aforementioned interview, and lost it in my car. I stopped at the mall to replace it. I got the wrong gauge replacement. I spent an hour yesterday in my bathroom with an ice cube trying to get an 18 gauge stud in a hole that previously contained a 20 gauge screw. Its tiny, its pink, it will stay there forever. Or atleast until my nose stops hurting.
I think I’ve written enough for today. <3
